Courage Unveiled: A Journey of Reconnection, Love, and Greek Lemon Potatoes

   10 August 1995 started off like every other beautiful, sunny, warm, Montana summer day... until it wasn't. I went to my mailbox and for the first time in my life I received a letter from an attorney from London, England. That's right. All the way across the pond.

   Right away my mind raced back 18 years to the summer when I was 17 years old traveling through Europe with the Montana Youth Choir. Touring through Europe was amazing, and it was one of the best summers of my life! We went to many beautiful countries and sang in incredible cathedrals! Notre-Dame in Paris, St. Mark's Basilica in Venice, St. Paul's Cathedral in London, and St. Peter's Basilica in Vatican City. The food and drinks were epic. God bless the French for their pastries, the Swiss for their chocolate, the English for their beer, and the Italians for their pasta. Opa! I had decided to bring beer steins home as souvenirs, unbeknownst to the pubs I drank them in, and now 18 years later, I immediately started to panic: “Oh shoot, they found me and want their steins back!” I started sweating in very uncomfortable places.

   I slowly contemplated if I should open the letter, or just rip it up and throw it away, forgetting that I ever saw it. My curiosity got the best of me, so I took some slow, deep breathes and nervously tore open the unexpected letter, and discovered that it was from a private investigator in London who had been hired to find me by my birth mother who lived in Greece. I was speechless (which is very rare for me). You see, when I was in high school I found out, on accident, that I was adopted. I was shocked that my mom and dad were never planning to tell me, but for whatever reason, I did not have a desire to find my birth parents.

   The letter contained a few photographs of a middle-aged woman I had never seen before. She was shorter in stature and had grey hair that was pulled back in a bun. She was dressed in a black skirt that went past her knees, a black blouse, tan hose and black shoes. Her expression was very solemn, but she had kind eyes, a sturdy, strong build, and she looked like she had weathered many hardships. There were also photos of her with a young man sitting outside, in what appeared to be a very impoverished village, cooking a whole lamb on a spit. The young man had short, black hair and a round face, and looked similar to me. Turns out this was my birth mother, Christina, and my brother, Agelos. The letter described the condition of her life and why she finally had to find me.

   Her letter began: " Maria, I beg you to write me a letter and send photographs of you and your life. I know I don't have the right to disturb you but believe me I am in deep pain. I am a mother, and you are a mother too. I hope someday you will be able to forgive me in your heart."

   And the letter ended: " Let God guide you and may you forgive me someday. With plenty of love, Christina."

   As I read her words, " I am a mother. and you are a mother too”, I knew it was my turn to write a letter. At first, I just wanted to tell her that I have forgiven her, and that I pray that she knows Jesus loves her. But then there was more. Question, after question, after question, started flooding my mind. Why did you give me up? Do you have any health problems? Why did you give me up, but kept Agelos? Where is my birth father? Why did you name me Maria? Questions I never thought I would have to ask anybody. I gently folded my letter and apprehensively slid it into the envelope. I included photos of myself and my daughters, and as I licked the envelope shut and placed the first-class airmail stamp on it, I had no idea what Christina’s story, and the story of the beginning of my life, were going to be.

   Two months later I received another letter from Greece, and this time I recognized the delicate handwriting of my birth mother. The letter had 18 handwritten pages of answers to my questions. I knew I needed to incorporate this major part of my life into this book, and as I reflectively read, once again, through Christina's letter, I kept hearing in my mind and in my heart, the word COURAGE.

So, here is your next Greek lesson. Opa!

Courage:  θαρσέω ( thar-seh'-o )

The definitions of courage are: The ability to do something that frightens one.

Strength in the face of pain or grief.                                                                                  Mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.

   Modern day Greece is a small European country with a population of ten million people, and is approximately the size of Florida. It's surrounded on three borders by the Aegean, Ionian and Mediterranean Seas. In 323BC, the Greek Empire encompassed millions of square miles spanning three continents: Asia, Africa and Europe. From the days of the Greek Empire to modern day Greece, we have been, and still are, a very loving, friendly, proud, joyful, passionate people, and extremely courageous. This truly defines Christina's life.

   Christina's new letter began: " My dearest Maria, I am not able to describe to you my joy and happiness. After all these years of unhappiness and agony, I received your first letter and I saw photographs of you and your children. I held your letter and your photographs, and I thought I had you in my arms. I cried for a long time from joy and happiness. "

   I love the Greek definition of courage: Mettle. Guts. Nerve. Heart. Spunk.

What was written on those 18 pages was absolutely a story of Mettle. Guts. Nerve. Heart. Spunk. The words that follow are excerpts off the pages of Christina's letter, and straight from the heart of a wounded, tired, repentant, hopeful, courageous, deeply loving mother.

" Maria I will begin to describe my life, but please don't feel sorry and don't be sad when you read my letter. My purpose is not to be sad and miserable. I just want to explain to you the way I acted in my life. These things of the past are bygones now and you have a wonderful life waiting for you. "

" I had to surpass many obstacles in my life and suffer too much pain and despair. Something good came out of all these. You were saved and you had a chance to live a normal life with people who love you. That makes me happy and gives light in my dark life. "

" When I was 16 years old, I was involved with the man who is the biological father of you and Agelos. In fact, this man cannot be called father because of the way he treated me and his children. When I was pregnant with you, he wanted to go to a doctor to have an abortion. I didn't want to kill my child because I believe children are God's blessing. "

" Your biological father lived in a nearby village and when I learned he was married and had children, it was too late. I was already pregnant. "

" I kept the secret of my pregnancy from my family very well."

" When it was time for your birth, I left my house and walked 60 kilometers (38 miles) to a nearby village to meet your biological father. I made it to a house where he and an old lady were waiting for me. I was exhausted from the walk and slept all day long. When I woke up, he was gone. The time had come. The old lady was scared and didn't know what to do with me. At the 9th September at 5 o'clock in the morning you came to the world. In the room there was me, the old lady, my new-born girl and God who protected us. "

 " I continuously thank God for the courage He gave me. Then I kept you in my arms and I promised that we would never be apart. I couldn't keep my promise. The next day your father came over and said we had to take you to the infant asylum in Athens for a short time and then we would take you back. He deceived me. "

" They asked us how long we wanted to leave our baby there and your father answered, forever. And if any people wanted to adopt the baby, they were welcome to do so. At that moment I could not oppose him. I was a 16 year old girl. I felt unable to raise you myself. "

" A lawyer came to see me and asked if I had decided to give my baby for adoption. He told me a good family had seen my baby in the infant asylum. They liked her and wanted to take her for their own child. He also told me he had a relationship with that family and the baby would have a good life in America. They would love my baby very much as if it was their own flesh and blood. "

 " In the spring 1961 we went to the court to arrange your adoption. I hoped that I would see you for the last time, but it was impossible. At the court the lawyer told me, do you see these two persons at the left? They are Maria's parents. Your father was tall, handsome and he wore glasses. Your mother was a very beautiful tall lady, and she wore glasses too. "

" After the court hearing the lawyer told me to go back home. I wanted to go back to the infant asylum and see you for a while before you go but your parents had taken you to their house. I could not see you. I was in despair. "

" I returned to my village and my mother found out I was pregnant and what happened. I thought my family would share my pain and would support me. I was totally wrong. They demanded I leave their house. It was night and I was forced to leave my home with a few things. I was in total despair. I lost you, I lost my family, I had no place to go, and nobody was there for me. I was all alone. "

" 5 years later your father was looking for me and we decided to live together for 10 years. The agony and the troubles were great. His children grew up and my misery was getting bigger because there was no chance for us to get married. I got pregnant again."

“Your father didn't want the baby because his other children would hate him more. I wanted to keep the baby. He told me I had to choose between him and the baby, "

" I went to the nearest village and rented a house. I lived there alone with my unborn baby. I worked in the cotton fields to collect some money."

" A nice woman helped me give birth and I will never forget her kindness and how grateful I am to her. She stood by me like a real mother."

“I took Agelos with me in the cotton fields from 2 years old because I had nobody to keep him while I was at work. “

" Nine years passed and it was very difficult for me to support my family financially. So I decided to get married. He was a widower, and he had no children. My husband is 89 years old and loves us. We love and respect him. He has been ill for the past 4 years and is in bed since then. He doesn't know about you, and I don't think he should know. "

" Don't worry about any sickness in the family. There are none. We are all in good health. "

" I want to tell you something else. I did not give Agelos for adoption because it is too difficult and painful for a mother to give both her children for adoption. When I had you my position was more difficult. I was much younger and more scared. If I gave Agelos too, I would not live. "

   Christina ended her letter with: " My dearest Maria. I believe that I gave you all the details you needed to surpass your doubts about me and your brother. You are indeed brother and sister, and you have the same father and the same mother. I want to thank you again for your letter and your photographs. We see them and feel proud of you. I hope that you will always be happy. God bless you all. May I always hear good news of you. Many greetings to your parents. You must love and respect them very much, because they deserve it. With a lot of love, your mother, Christina. "

   Love comes in many different forms. Some people mistakenly view adoption as an easy, cowardly way out of a bad situation. A selfish act. A response of getting rid of someone in life that was a mistake. Someone that was not good enough. Someone who was not wanted. Someone who had no value. Someone who was easily replaceable.

   Unfortunately, these are thoughts, lies, that I have dealt with and fought against for many years. But as I read Christina’s letter over and over again, I allowed myself to hear her heart, and embrace the truth. The decision she made was anything but easy. It was heart wrenching, courageous, sacrificial, and the ultimate expression of the priceless value she placed on my life, and the unconditional love she had for her daughter. And for that gift of life, I will forever be grateful.

   To go along with the picture of Christina and Agelos cooking the lamb on the outdoor spit, our recipe is the perfect addition to the meal. Greek Lemon Potatoes!